Wednesday, December 28, 2005


Dia Horribilis

Inspired by the recent efforts of others, I decided to Wiki my own birthday, and see what good old July 27th is noted for.

Bugger all, it turns out. Tony wasn't too impressed with his fellow Dec 20ers - 'historical nobodies', he calls them. However, his anniversary of emergence can't begin to compare to the parade of anonymous characters that Wiki says lay claim to my special day.

I mean, I have at least heard of Rich Gannon, the Superbowl-losing former quarterback of the Oakland Raiders. Billy Bragg, too, has popped up on the radar from time to time. As for Ashley Cole, well, our biorrythms are precisely in tune.

I too share my popping date with a footballer, but not a good one like Cole, oh no. I share one with, honestly, occasional Everton fullback Alessandro Pistone.

The word 'mediocrity' was invented for Pistone.

Worse still, I see the anniversary of 'my escape from that accursed ovarian Bastille', as Stewie Griffin would have it, is also shared by wrestler Triple H.

That's it. He's the only other one I've heard of.

Incredibly, Triple H warrants a vast entry on Wikipedia. It is longer than the entries for William Shakespeare, President Taft, Peter Jackson, and Bill Bixby, star of 'My Favorite Martian', to name but four of the countless billions who have contributed enormously more to the march of humanity.

Really, who cares?

H, real name Paul Levesque, will almost certainly further annoy me in 'Jornada del muerte', a WWE wrestling film project, which sounds absolutely awful.

I don't know why wrestlers try to cross into films. Certainly, don't ask Bill Goldberg, whose 'Santa's Slay' has enjoyed a critical pannning. Incidentally, the writers may have thought they were creating something new with a Killer Santa film, but in fact readers familiar with the Banned list will surely be aware of 'Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2', in which a man goes Columbine in a Santa costume. According to the Melonfarmers, it was looked at by the BBFC just after the Hungerford massacre, causing it to bite the dust.

American football players should also be very cautious about a life on the silver screen, because it'll be less silver screen and more straight-to-video. Anyone remember Brian Bosworth?

Bosworth's abysmal, sub-Van-Damme action films became almost as infamous as his I-was-a-German-porn-star-in-the-1970s mullet.

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