Saturday, July 09, 2005


What Do Marla Sokoloff, Victoria Koblenko, Fantasia Barrino, Samantha Mumba and Christina Aguilera Have In Common?

If you answered, 'Dr Feelgood hasn't slept with any of them', you'd be right. Of course, where you would be wrong is that I should be sleeping with them. Why? Well, my biorythms say I should, that's why. See, the handy folks at CelebMatch can tell you based upon nothing but the oh-so scientific basis of your birthday. The lucky ladies (or gentlemen's!) appropriateness is expressed in percentage points. Like so:

Marla Sokoloff99%Victoria Koblenko99%Fantasia Barrino98%Samantha Mumba98%Christina Aguilera98%

(Actually, you get the results in a little table, but man have I been struggling to reproduce that!)

As you can imagine, the obscurity of some of these characters meant that I had to call in all the power of IMDb to sort me out.

1) Turns out that Marla Sokoloff is an actress, who has appeared in a bunch of films I've not seen. She's marginally attractive, although the she does look about thirteen. Apparently, we have 100% intellectual compatability. Not of we have to talk about one of her early works, 'Dude, Where's My Car?', we don't. It's one of the worst films ever made.

2) Victoria Koblenko is basically not a celebrity. Her entire canon of work is a Dutch TV programme, and some piece of neo-feminist garbage called 'Stille Nacht', which sounds like 'I Spit On Your Grave', but not as much fun. Since she has no picture either, I think I'll give her a miss.

3) Fantasia Barrino apparently won American Idol 3. That's a bit of a turn-off to start with. As is the fact that she looks like she might give me a powerful right hook if I were ever to annoy her. She looks terrifyingly boxer-ish. Still, if she can actually sing, I suppose that would be okay - I do like a woman with a powerful voice.

4) Samantha Mumba is the first one I've actually heard of. She had a few minor hits, and has since been acting in films I've never heard of. She's damn good looking, though.


5) Christina! God, Christina. I'm not gonna pretend I'm a fan of the whole Mousketeer thing, and not particularly of the whole trampy slut thing either, but she is pretty gorgeous. Let's put it this way - I wouldn't say no. Why?

Ah, the old bin-bag-with-tassles look. Still, just remember I have 100% physical compatability with that rack. Score!

There isn't just good news, however. I only have 80% compatability with the world's most fantastic woman, Franka Potente. Bugger. Still, I have good intellectual compatability, so I could at least hold a conversation with her, even if I'd be shit in the sack.

Beautiful. I love you, Franka!

There's more bad news, too: I'd make a crap gay man, since my best matches would be Ashley Cole and Robbie Keane. I'd be a footballer's husband. Ugh!

I was intellectually 100% compatible with some tart off Coronation Street, which is worrying.
It's a fascinating question - which is worse, 'Coronation Street' or 'American Pop Idol 3?'

Corrie has little or no caterwauling, at least, but then American Pop Idol 3 doesn't have a mandate to go in until the Four Horsemen, and probably some time after . . .
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