Wednesday, December 06, 2006


A Little Comment Goes A Long Way . . .

Shorter Mark Honigsbaum: Bird flu might have all but disappeared, but I'm still panicking!

Shorter Ian Davis: Here's an idea - we could threaten our non-existent enemies with make-believe weapons!

Shorter Anthony Giddens: The problem with Britain is that we're too obese to defend ourselves.

Shorter Michael White: The three main political parties have a God-given right to exist, and if they don't appeal to us, why then we must pay to make them appeal to us.

Shorter Ian Macwhirter: Foreigners own most of our power companies, and they aren't to be trusted to do it properly. We should own all of our power companies because only people from the country of origin can be trusted to . . . what do you mean, Enron?

Shorter Jackie Ashley: The judicial system would be better served by weeping matches between victims.

Shorter Ken Livingstone: Come on, there must be somebody else excited about the Olympics besides me?

Shorter John Lloyd: A majority of people in Scotland want independence, and a majority of people in England wish to give it to them, but the majority doesn't want Union broken.

Shorter Andrew Brown: Let's get rid of all music that's gone before. We could call it Year Zero!

Shorter Matthew Fort: Some people seem to think that cheaper to produce potatoes are a good thing, but I can't for the life of me see why.

Shorter Iain Dale: The Conservatives should probably get a bit more similar to Labour.

Shorter Alan Wolfe: I reckon those Evangelical Christians will just give up and forget politics now that they've lost an election.

Shorter Natalie Bennett: Watch as I reduce the whole of global conflict to a simple battle between men and women.

Shorter Peter Preston: Taxis are shit. We should get rid of them, and tough luck if you don't live on a bus route.

Shorter Richard Francis: The judge who presided over the Salem Witch Trials later apologised for doing so, and therefore Tony Blair should apologise for slavery, which he presi. . . oh, no, wait a minute, something's not right . . .

I think prospective diners in a drive-through lane should be required to complete a series of mathematical problems and punch the results in to a number pad below the microphone. Too many mistakes and they get a fish sandwich--no exceptions.
While we're sharing obscure personal opinions, I think that job interview processes should be based upon television shows.

So a problem-solving psychometric test would become an automatic lock-in, timed by water trickling into a bowl with lines on, like in The Crystal Maze. Or the questions asked by the interviewer would be selected by an obese friend of the interviewee throwing darts at a board, like Bullseye.
"a weeping contest"
hahahahahhahaha very droll
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