Tuesday, July 04, 2006


Witness The Fitness

Anybody else been listening to Five Live recently? No? Just me then.

They've been running these adverts for Sport Relief, where it sounds like you're supposed to run sixty million miles. Then Wossy interrupts, and jokingly explains that actually, we should all do just one mile each. Ha. Ha. Ha.

Am I the only one unimpressed by this? Personally, I think there's a poverty of aspiration here. Now, I appreciate I used to do running seriously, and maybe I'm being a bit snobbish, but one mile? I could shit further than that. I have to walk that far to get to the bus stop.

I'm not being entirely facetious - I can't be the only person who doesn't think it's worth driving twenty miles to run one and then drive twenty home. Furthermore, maybe I've completely misjudged the point, but if this is meant to get fatsos joining in, then surely it's gonna fail, cos it seems to me the sort of person who wouldn't run two or three miles is probably also the sort of person who wouldn't get out of bed to run one mile.

In other news, I see David Walliams of 'Little Britain' fame has swum the Channel for the same charity. Maybe it's my antipathy to his 'comedy' career, but I'm not impressed. Sure, I couldn't do it, and it's a great physical achievement, blah blah blah, but he's supposed to be a comedian for fuck's sake, not some kind of macho man redux. I can't help thinking that a little more time spent in the pub with his mates drinking beer and a little less time spent covering himself in goose fat and splashing about, and he might not be quite so monstrously unfunny.

Little Britain serves a useful purpose. When people say to me "I love Little Britain" I instantly know they are a cunt.
I've seen one half of one episode of Little Britain and that was enough, however I think swimming the channel is an amazing achievement.

What about sponsored walks? Feeble. Worse though are those efforts where they want you to basically fund their holiday? "Yea, Alex and I are like paddling a raft up the Zambezei in aid of the British Heart Foundation."
Muscles suck the comedy out of any comedian. Witness Joe Piscopo and Dice Clay.
'Course, and argument could be made that these dudes never had comedy to begin with.
Tony - I would fully concur with that.

Mark - True indeed. Sponsored walks are a complete joke. I wouldn't pay a load of cash to a chronically unfit person to walk a few miles even if it was for a good cause. People should do something impressive for these things or nothing at all.

SafeT - It's noticeable that bigger fellas are often funnier. Not sure why. Anyone care to hazard a guess?
Sometimes the below average size people are funny as well.
I think it all boils down to the old truism about unhappy people making good comedians.
They de-fang their demons by painting clown-face on them.

Yes, I think I can speak speak for the fitness-challenged amongst us when I say that I, for one, can't be fucked to run a mile.

No bad words about ol' David. Have you seen his body now, have you? mmm
SafeT - You say that's an old truism, but I hadn't heard it, and it seems an excellent point to me. Often, the best humour is self-deprecating.

B - Surely not? Although the goose fat did look like a decent lubricant . . .
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