Monday, July 10, 2006


Shorter, Shorter!

I really like Fisking Central, and have been meaning to add it to my sidebar for a while now. The point of it appears to be to logically deconstruct stupid comment pieces in the papers. It is noticeable how stupid some columns really are. As Comment Is Free is rather ably proving, more comment doesn't necessarily, or even often, mean better comment.

So, without further ado, here are some shorters for the worst:

Shorter Janet Daley: I am uniquely able to understand the emotional appeal of conservatism because I used to be a Marxist.

Shorter David Aaronovitch: Local democracy is foundering because parents don't have time to go to PTA meetings, my local estate agent wants to kill five year old girls (FACT) and the local rag doesn't agree with me, so kangaroo courts made up of citizens like me are the answer.

Shorter Matt Foot: I have absolutely no idea what Marco Materazzi said to Zinedine Zidane, but if I hedge my claim that Materazzi engaged in 'racially aggravated disorderly conduct' with enough 'ifs' and 'buts' then he won't quite be able to sue me for libel.

Shorter Martin Jacques: I've had a great idea - instead of teams winning the football World Cup on the basis of most games won, we could instead decide upon the bases of skin pigmentation and how fashionably left-wing or otherwise the competing countries' governments are. I'll be the judge.

There was also a fantastic one from Philip Johnston's 'Home Front' column in the Telegraph a few weeks ago when he argued it was important to give top honours to policemen who led raids where innocent members of the public were shot in order not to lower the officers' morale. Sadly, I can't find it online - it may have been removed from the archives as too fatuous for even implicit approval. However, fairness does require that I note his column today was really excellent.


Might as well have some more:

Shorter David Aaronovitch: It's a complete coincidence that my article suggests that the public shouldn't know about powerful people's affairs while admitting that I disagree with my wife's opinions frequently. No, seriously guys, I'm NOT having an affair.

Shorter Carol Sarler: Women who are too old to have children should put their bodies away - nobody wants to look at that, dear! Eurgh.

Shorter Alistair Campbell: Tony, why aren't you answering my calls? Please? I'm feeling left out and I needz to be back in styyyle. Call me!

Cheers for the link! One of my co-contributors on Fisking Central, Tom Freeman, has suggested this shortening should be called 'brisking'. What do you reckon?
Well, as I said over at yours, I think it's a fine idea. Much better.
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