Saturday, July 08, 2006



Tony T:

'One-day cricket is mostly tedious, sometimes interesting and very occasionally breathtaking. 20/20, on the other hand, is tricked-up nonsense aimed at children and cretins. Neither form comes within grovelling distance of the nuanced beauty that is test cricket.'

Hmmm. I'm fairly child-like, and genuinely cretinous, so perhaps it's understandable that I really enjoyed Warwickshire-Worcestershire 20/20 last night. Long time readers of these scrolls of mine will remember that I attended the same fixture last year. Once again, it was decided on the final ball, with Warwickshire needing a six to win. As I said at the time:

'I hear all the arguments about it lacking purity and suchforth, but it really is just great fun, and I've never seen Edgbaston so full when England aren't playing.'

Tony's right in many respects - nothing can beat a quality test match, when after five days of combat, both sides are duking out a tight one, but the trouble is, test matches are so much more variable in quality. I had the best time at a cricket match ever at a test, but there's no getting away from the fact that with rained-out days, nightwatchmen, 'just got to stay at the crease' etc, you do get more of a rush at a 20/20 game. I guess it's the difference between a snort of cocaine and a fine meal and a glass of wine with your friends over the course of an evening.

Anyway, my evening was very nearly spoiled by an octogenarian clubmember occupying a ticket stall. I approached his stall and asked, in the meekest voice I possess, 'excuse me, but where's the car parking?' Now, this may seem a daft question, but Edgbaston's overflow carpark has recently been cleared to make way for new apartments, and there were about 8,000 people walking past behind me, so it was obvious the (tiny) main car park would be full.

Blogging is, sadly, a literary medium and not a verbal one, and so I can't convey the amount of patronisation (is that a word?) that the old git put on his reply, but suffice to say he really did speak to me as if I was a cretin, saying 'yes, on the main car park'. I sort of motioned and the hordes jostling past, and asked, still meekly, if there was parking anywhere else. 'NO', he retorted, in the sort of tone of voice I would have justified if I had asked him if he thought there was any chance the Queen is a lesbian. I wanted to punch in the glass of his stupid stall, climb in and beat seven shades of shit out of him, finally hanging him from a clothes peg with his stupid club tie, but in the end, being English I merely contented myself to stalking away with the hope that he'll be dead of bowel cancer soon enough.

The lesson? People who wear club ties - no matter what sort of club - are all twats, no exceptions.

Care for a Personality Bypass and a Tosser Implant with these sir?

The queen's a lesbian? Now that is news!
As for Cricket, well, I've ne'er seen a single game. You know, ignorant Yank and all that.
The queen's a lesbian? Now that is news!

Ah, you have to watch cricket. Most civilising force ever invented. All the civilised nations of the world partake - England, Australia, Pakistan, Zimbabwe . . .

It's certainly better than baseball.
That may be, but so is wanking with course-grain sandpapaer.

Can you tell I'm not much of a sport fan?
So have any soccer players been picked for county 20/20 yet, Steve? It can only be a matter of time, you know.
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