Tuesday, May 02, 2006


Top Banana

I was shopping in my local Sainsbury's today, and they had ten packs of bananas for 5p. That's 5p for all ten, not each. That's nine cents - for ten bananas. Crikey. Now, I'm sure people may accuse me of robbing Thirdworldsters of a decent income, but, not meaning to sound heartless, sod 'em. For that price, I feel like I should be doing some of the farming myself.

The trouble with this sort of thing is, per the Mitch Hedberg joke, you run the risk of getting carried away. I was thinking of ringing my friends and advising them, as if I were their stockbroker, to 'buy bananas - that's where the money is!' More worryingly, I was considering buying armfuls and then sidling up to people on the street saying 'hey - just 15p for ten - top quality gear, though, mate, I only sell good shit'. I reckoned I could easily make a couple of quid if I managed to sell twenty packs.

So, dear readers, I made a mistake. You see, I bought rather a lot. An injudicious amount, you might say. Here's where you lot come in - I need some banana-based recipes. Bear in mind, they're pretty ripe, so time is a factor here. Of course, you might argue that having eaten two of the bananas already, I have at least got my money's worth on just that. After all, from the fruit shop up the road, a single banana is 35p. Still, I don't want to sound like a maniac, but if I can find a way to eat all the bananas, then I shall have made a killing. It'll be the Saving Of The Century!

I bought considerably more than this, and they were riper as well. Come on people, the clock is ticking!

top banana!
that's incredibly cheap - the shopkeeper must've gone bananas...
i think you should stuff a load into the crotch of your mates nightclothes and run around singing:

"bananas in pyjamas are coming down the stairs,
bananas in pyjamas are coming down in pairs,
bananas in pyjamas are chasing teddy bears,
'cos on Tuesdays they all try to catch them unawares!
Make the worlds largest smoothie and sell the stuff at £1.69 for a small bottle. If Innocent can get away with it, so can you.

For the real effect, add some red food colouring.
Keep the King's memory alive.

Banana Peanut Butter Muffins

2 cups mashed bananas, packed
1/2 cup honey or maple syrup
3/4 cup peanut butter
1/3 cup milk
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 cup whole wheat bread flour
1 cup whole wheat pastry flour
1 tablespoon baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
Preheat oven to 350°.
Grease and flour 12 muffin cups or line with paper or foil liners.
Mix wet ingredients well.
Sift dry ingredients together.
Mix dry into wet, just until all ingredients are moistened.
Spoon batter into prepared muffin cups, filling about 2/3 to 3/4 full.
Bake for approximately 20 minutes. Check after about 10 minutes and lower heat to 325° if the muffins are browning too quickly.

Happy bowel rupturing folks!
Just take a photo of them all, call it modern art, enter it for the Turner Prize.
You've made a huge mistake.

Start a frozen banana stand. That way the bananas would keep and you would also make your fortune a la the George Bluth Sr. (But watch out for the Korean guy.)
And you might end up with the funniest family in the world.

Or the smoothie idea. The smoothie idea is cool.
MattyG - I used to sing 'bananas in pyjamas' when I was a kid. I can't even remember what it's from now.

Dr Joe - Good point. I refuse to buy those Innocent smoothies out of principle. At the end of the day, there's probably more vitamin C in a single apple.

Ill Man - Thanks very much! I'm going to try that tomorrow, which is reasonably the last day they can be eaten anyway.

Pam - I've been trying this afternoon to make an interesting structure out of them, but the buggers are just shaped so dashed inconveniently. I may have a photo of what I've achieved tomorrow, if I can find my camera-wire-to-the-computer thingy.

Matt - Why oh why oh why oh why oh why did they axe that show? I know they say it was because not enough people watched it, but frankly that's not good enough. Also confirms my suspicions that people are generally idiots.
People are idiots. Any show that has Will Arnett pulling faces like on here: http://huge-mistake.net/
should be a sure fire winner. Just seeing Will Arnett's face is enough to make me smirk and the longer I look at it the more I want to laugh. I love that show SO much I normally cry with laughter - it manages to have the bile of Curb but with a good naturedness too. That and every character is hilarious, esp. GOB. Did I mention I like Will Arnett?
The most incredible thing is that Arrested Devlopment was axed, yet 'Saved By The Bell' is coming back.

Is there no end to this madness?
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