Tuesday, March 14, 2006


We Was Robbed! Quite Literally

In this post, I intimated that there was a good chance that the particular crumbling hell-hole that I and four other people call home would be robbed, since it had been robbed three times in the previous year, and it has now happened. Frankly, I'm suprised it took so long.

Do you know what the best part of it is? All they stole was DVDs. Nothing else - just my entire DVD collection, apart from five films that were in a drawer upstairs, so now my entire collection consists of:

1) 'Who Framed Roger Rabbit?'
2) 'How Green Was My Valley'
3) 'Delicatessen'
4) 'The Happiness Of The Katakuris'
5) 'Life Is A Miracle' - thank God!

Everything else is gone. Gone, I tell thee! Only about three hundred pounds worth. The worst part of it is, because they got in through the back door, which my clot of a housemate had left unlocked, I can't get any money from the insurance. I am, to put it bluntly, miserable in the extreme.

It might be going a bit far to say that I hope they are caught and anally raped in prison, rather like 'Scum', which they also took, but let's put it this way, I wouldn't spare any tears if they were. In the meantime, I hope they are suitably terrorised by the prolonged torture scenes in the South Korean film 'Save The Green Planet!', are thoroughly depressed by David Lynch's urban dystopia in 'Eraserhead', and are grossed out by 'Braindead.'

Still, I'll live. I have to say, I find the possibility of these fucking townie bastards sitting down in their shitty hovel to watch the six-hour 'gay fantasia' 'Angels In America' to be pretty funny. Of course, that won't happen, because they'll just have nicked them to sell, but I don't suppose whoever buys it will be particularly grateful.

Incidentally, returning to this post, I would unhesistatingly say that 'Angels In America' is by far my favourite piece of LGBT-based culture ever produced. It is absolutely stunning, almost a religious experience (no pun intended) and filled with quality from beginning to end - even the title sequence is a joy, as you fly through clouds, dipping beneath every now and then to see many and various American landmarks. It would be impossible to watch that and view America as anything less than a storied land, yet of course the point of the text is that it's also a sick one, and the conflict between these ideas, the ideal and the reality, is a large part of what, thematically, it's all about. An amazing treat - now gone, thanks to some fucking little scumbag.

Prison is too good for 'em.

Oh that is shit! I think the unanamed individual who left the door open (drunkard who went outside for a piss and stumbled in and left the door open! just a guess!) should definitely have to do a forfeit. Tarring and feathering would suffice! To be fair maybe the mice have come back and stolen them? I'm sure vermin rodents love Family Guy and world cinema!!
prison is too good for 'em - you should take comfort in the thought of 'em watching southern comfort instead. Punishment enough; i'm sure you won't agree...
The fuckers... sorry for you, my dear!

Angels In America is top notch... was in a stage production of it once, several years ago. One of the best things I ever did!
Steve, that's probably the equivelent of someone nicking all my CD's. The result of which would be too grim to contemplate. You've done well not to have murdered anyone yet.

No matter, I feel for you, man.

Let's hoping they get a broken mercury thermometer stuck in their urethra!
Happyviolet - We have, in fact, been suffering from an infestation of Borrowers recently. The little buggers have been carrying off items, I'm sure of it.

MattyG - That comment is so far beneath my dignity that I can barely see it from my high horse.

Binty - I can imagine! You're very lucky. Just thinking about AIA makes my eyes go slightly wet.

Ill Man - Watching 'My Name Is Earl' has made me believe in karma, and I'm completely confident that they will die in a bizarre, 'Final Destination' like accident, preferrably in a particularly contrived and painful way.

SafeT - That would definitely do the trick! Just thinking about that has made me feel slightly queasy. Still, fingers crossed, eh?

By 'LGBT', by the way, I mean lesbian, gay, bisexual and transexual.
Mate, mate, mate. I'm crying for you. If all my DVDs got nicked I would be a fucking mess and probably give up on life, live blogging my suicide...

I have an extra copy of All About My Mother that I was going to sell on eBay - could I offer it to you as a token of solidarity?

(Angels in America was shit though. Sorry.)
That's extremely kind of you!

I won't say no, but I insist on at least covering the money you would have made on eBay.

If you email me, we can work out any arrangements.
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