Tuesday, January 03, 2006


What Durst Thou Say, Fred?

Fred Durst, comedy legend.

'Did somebody say let's rock?'

Here are some extracts from an interview with the former frontman of dyslexic joke band Limp Bizkit (which I always pronounce Bizzzzz-kit out of principle) in which he reveals, oh my aching sides, his belief he will become one of the all-time great film directors:

"I created and directed a film for The Unquestionable Truth," Durst revealed, referring to the EP Limp Bizkit released in May with virtually no promotion. "It's a 30-minute short film, and Wes [Borland] and I both act in it. I play an evangelist named Evan Gelis, and that's something that I think is gonna find its way out there on the Internet or through somewhere."

An evangelist named Evan Gelis. With clunkingly obvious crap like that in it, no wonder it hasn't 'found it's way out there' yet. I mean, come on, that makes the name Aviva in 'Palindromes' look subtle.

"Directing a movie is serious, it's not a joke," Durst said, explaining the many years it's taken to develop his films. "I thought [directing videos] was serious, and it's not. Directing a film is a lot of work. It's characters, it's arcs, it's beats, it's just a lot of things, and I've been blessed to have been mentored by some really great people like ["Fight Club" director] David Fincher and just really have absorbed it. I think I'm a storyteller, and I'm gonna apply it."

Beats? What's he on about? Sadly, No! give us an example of his undoubted storytelling ability:

"I know ya'll be lovin' this shit right here
L-I-M-P Bizkit right here!
People in the house with them hands in the air
Cause if you don't care then we don't care
One two three time zoom to the 6
Jonesin for you picks of the Limp Bizkit mix"


Byron? Eat your heart out!

"I want to make timeless movies. I want to be beside Martin Scorsese and Wes Anderson and Paul Thomas Anderson and Francis Ford Coppola. I'm a real director."

That's a real director, who has never directed anything more than a 30 minute short. Pull the other one. Let's look at the exalted company he believes he can keep:

Scorsese: 'Taxi Driver', 'Raging Bull', 'The Last Temptation Of Christ', 'Goodfellas', 'The Aviator.'

Anderson, W: 'Rushmore', 'The Royal Tenenbaums', 'The Life Aquatic.'

Anderson, P T: 'Boogie Nights', 'Magnolia', 'Punch Drunk Love.'

Coppola: 'The Godfather (I and II - we'll forget about III)', 'Apocalypse Now.'

I reckon it could be worth going to your bookie and putting a fiver on Freddie for the Best Director Oscar in 2008. After all, it is the season of miracles, and that's what's required. Then, if the impossible were to happen, you'd win an absolute fortune, because I'd put the odds at about 100,000,000 - 1.

I reckon Fred Dibnah's got more chance.
Its nice to see a boy with an active imagination. Who knows what this Durst kid might not do when he grows up!
If Britney Spears thinks she can direct, so can anyone!
Paul B - Dear Fred. I do miss him, and his ludicrous belief that traversing the country on a vehicle that could travel no more than -5mph and kept falling apart every time he got to a turn was a fruitful way to spend his time.

I once met him at a book signing at a garden centre near Preston. I'm A list, me.

SafeT - He should do a spoof series of interviews, about becoming a brain surgeon, an astronaut, or a nuclear scientist. Then, when I took the piss out of him, he cpuld have the last laugh.

Paul - We already know her amazing acting talent, of course . . .
I use crazy straws. Always have one in me hip-waders for just such an occasion.
don't bad mouth part III. but don't tell anyone I said that either.

I am merely shocked that the dude even knows the names of any of those directors. SHOCKED. Next thing you know he'll be all "I am going to make DOGME # 243,578: a bleak existential examination of bakery life. It will have mad beats, yo."
SafeT - It always bothers me, how do they get the bends in crazy straws?

Boudica - I have a friend who claims that it's a surrealist masterpiece that nobody else fully understands, and that it's really by far the best of the trilogy, so you're in good company.

Vague - Yes! Durst's true calling in life could be to breathe life into the dead Dogme project, and show us the innermost beauty and torment of the human soul. I'd love to see him try arthouse, maybe hang around with Lars von Trier a bit. You never know, I could be dissing the new Woody Allen. Or something.
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