Saturday, January 21, 2006
The Scrooging Of The Shrew
As I've pointed out previously, the questions posed on Five Live's morning phone in programme are seldom of the highest quality. Therefore, I was somewhat unsurprised by them asking the other day:
What's your biggest secret?
'Five Live: Tackling the important issues, every day.'
Anyway, it was about as dull as a radio phone in could possibly get, and even in the my terrible, half-comatose early morning state, I was considering tying a brick to the alarm clock and throwing it in a canal, when suddenly this woman called Jane phoned in.
Jane did, indeed, have quite a big secret. She had won £1.5 million on the lottery, and hadn't told her husband.
Wow. Now, her husband is clearly a bit of a dolt, but I have to say I found this just appalling. According to her, she has started to work a three day week (hubby doesn't know this), and has let her husband carry on working a five day week. The reason she gave for not telling him was that 'I don't want things to change.'
Listen, fuckwits. If you don't want to win, don't play. I play the lottery loads, every three weeks roughly, and I really want to win. I also can't understand why she went on the radio with this. In fairness, one of her husbands mates has probably heard it, and the next time he's at his local, they're gonna say, 'Mate, I heard a woman with your wife's name who sounded an awful lot like her on the radio last week, saying she had won £1.5 million on the lottery and not told her husband. When was the last time she asked to borrow some cash?'
When he finds out, and he's presumably got to put two and two together eventually, he's going to want a divorce. In my opinion, this is probably pretty good grounds. To my mind, what she's done is morally no better than an affair - just instead of having an affair with a person, she's done it with a pile of cash. I don't think I've been so disgusted in my life.
If by any chance 'Jane' is reading this, burn in hell. First, however, take a look at the Balls Of Conscience. They'll follow you into the afterlife, where they will scorch and brand you for ETERNITY!
I feel a bit better now.
What's your biggest secret?
'Five Live: Tackling the important issues, every day.'
Anyway, it was about as dull as a radio phone in could possibly get, and even in the my terrible, half-comatose early morning state, I was considering tying a brick to the alarm clock and throwing it in a canal, when suddenly this woman called Jane phoned in.
Jane did, indeed, have quite a big secret. She had won £1.5 million on the lottery, and hadn't told her husband.
Wow. Now, her husband is clearly a bit of a dolt, but I have to say I found this just appalling. According to her, she has started to work a three day week (hubby doesn't know this), and has let her husband carry on working a five day week. The reason she gave for not telling him was that 'I don't want things to change.'
Listen, fuckwits. If you don't want to win, don't play. I play the lottery loads, every three weeks roughly, and I really want to win. I also can't understand why she went on the radio with this. In fairness, one of her husbands mates has probably heard it, and the next time he's at his local, they're gonna say, 'Mate, I heard a woman with your wife's name who sounded an awful lot like her on the radio last week, saying she had won £1.5 million on the lottery and not told her husband. When was the last time she asked to borrow some cash?'
When he finds out, and he's presumably got to put two and two together eventually, he's going to want a divorce. In my opinion, this is probably pretty good grounds. To my mind, what she's done is morally no better than an affair - just instead of having an affair with a person, she's done it with a pile of cash. I don't think I've been so disgusted in my life.
If by any chance 'Jane' is reading this, burn in hell. First, however, take a look at the Balls Of Conscience. They'll follow you into the afterlife, where they will scorch and brand you for ETERNITY!
I feel a bit better now.
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Brilliant! I love lotto nastiness. I used to play footy with a bloke whose girlfriend won the lottery and immediately dumped him. Sad for him, but we laughed, all the same.
Clairwil - Too true. The worst part about it was, on the radio, she didn't sound remotely sorry at all. Her entire concerns were for herself. That is one marriage I really do hope ends.
Tony - You cruel, cruel man! Still, I suppose one can derive a certain black humour from it.
Tony - You cruel, cruel man! Still, I suppose one can derive a certain black humour from it.
did you not watch that programme with Amanda Redman a few years ago where she wins about £38m on the (then fictional) Eurolottery and starts a charity devoted to helping people. that was right good.
She probably hasn't told her husband because it's never come up:
"did you win the lottery last week?"
"no, sadly, did you?" (won it the week before)
"nope"
"oh well it's a mugs game isn't it?"
"yes i suppose so, i bet noone we know will ever win"
"hmmm.. i dunno about that, people do win the lottery you know they've made loads of people into millionaires"
"yeah well, let's not play again, and with the £100 we save a a year we can go and feed the meter in oxford street and window shop for a day"
"oooh yes, that sounds fun"
it's perfectly reasonable that the husband doesn't know, he's not asked "have you ever won the lottery?"
besides he'd probably spend it on upper class cabinet minister rentboys because he's secretly got a longing for that sort of thing
best to keep it too herself really
She probably hasn't told her husband because it's never come up:
"did you win the lottery last week?"
"no, sadly, did you?" (won it the week before)
"nope"
"oh well it's a mugs game isn't it?"
"yes i suppose so, i bet noone we know will ever win"
"hmmm.. i dunno about that, people do win the lottery you know they've made loads of people into millionaires"
"yeah well, let's not play again, and with the £100 we save a a year we can go and feed the meter in oxford street and window shop for a day"
"oooh yes, that sounds fun"
it's perfectly reasonable that the husband doesn't know, he's not asked "have you ever won the lottery?"
besides he'd probably spend it on upper class cabinet minister rentboys because he's secretly got a longing for that sort of thing
best to keep it too herself really
# posted by 
: 4:31 pm
: 4:31 pm
Mr Bang - that is utterly fatuous and you know it. If my wife went to the doctors with a chesty cough, I wouldn't immediately think to question her on her return about whether she had lung cancer, but I'd expect her to tell me if she had.
Paul - well, I suppose that explains it a bit more clearly, but I still think its totally inexcusable.
Paul - well, I suppose that explains it a bit more clearly, but I still think its totally inexcusable.
maybe she was so bowled over by the shock of winning the lottery and getting cancer on the same day that she could only answer yes or no, thus direct questioning would be the only way to bring out the truth.
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# posted by : 11:35 am
: 11:35 am << Home
