Friday, January 13, 2006
Nation Building Gone Wrong
No, no, no, no, not in the desert, I'm talking about Britain. Specifically, the 'Icons Of England' project.
Sigh. We've been here before. Mind you, then it was foreigners trying to define England, and so their laughable convictions and vague prejudices were at least understandable. Now our own government are in on the act, presumably trying to find something to unite us other than hatred of them. So, we have 'Icons Of England', in which they take nominations for the symbols and objects that define us.
Yawn.
John Major did this a decade ago, and everyone laughed at him. Here's what he said:
"The country of long shadows on county grounds, warm beer, invincible green suburbs, dog lovers and old maids bicycling to Holy Communion through the morning mist."
Ghastly claptrap, of course, but is it really much worse than 'Jerusalem', the King James' Bible or a cup of tea?
I said here that I loved the comment someone made that:
'Probably what it means to be British is not to be wondering what it means to be British all the time.'
How insecure have we become? This whole project is one great red herring - the website cost £1 million to create, for fucks' sake - but even if it weren't, it would point to something faintly sick about us as a society. How often do the French, or the Americans, or the Japanese waste their time on such pointless lists? Well, they don't, because they are all looking towards the future - coming up with ideas for tomorrow, not sentimentalising over ones from hundreds of years ago.
Holbein's portrait of Henry VIII has made the list. Just remember though, 'Henry VIII - he was a shit.'
Fortunately, however, people have decided to try to subvert the wretched thing, which is, by the way, a far better indication of Englishness than anything else. The best so far can be found here, where Perry de Havilland sends off a nomination for CCTV cameras, saying:
'It is almost impossible to avoid their gaze for an entire day and sitting like steel crows on their perches above us, truly they are emblematic of modern Britain.'
We should all send one in of CCTV cameras, for truly nothing better demonstrates the watchful contempt of our government towards its citizens.
The 'steel crows' gather, silently, observing, monitoring.
Sigh. We've been here before. Mind you, then it was foreigners trying to define England, and so their laughable convictions and vague prejudices were at least understandable. Now our own government are in on the act, presumably trying to find something to unite us other than hatred of them. So, we have 'Icons Of England', in which they take nominations for the symbols and objects that define us.
Yawn.
John Major did this a decade ago, and everyone laughed at him. Here's what he said:
"The country of long shadows on county grounds, warm beer, invincible green suburbs, dog lovers and old maids bicycling to Holy Communion through the morning mist."
Ghastly claptrap, of course, but is it really much worse than 'Jerusalem', the King James' Bible or a cup of tea?
I said here that I loved the comment someone made that:
'Probably what it means to be British is not to be wondering what it means to be British all the time.'
How insecure have we become? This whole project is one great red herring - the website cost £1 million to create, for fucks' sake - but even if it weren't, it would point to something faintly sick about us as a society. How often do the French, or the Americans, or the Japanese waste their time on such pointless lists? Well, they don't, because they are all looking towards the future - coming up with ideas for tomorrow, not sentimentalising over ones from hundreds of years ago.
Holbein's portrait of Henry VIII has made the list. Just remember though, 'Henry VIII - he was a shit.'
Fortunately, however, people have decided to try to subvert the wretched thing, which is, by the way, a far better indication of Englishness than anything else. The best so far can be found here, where Perry de Havilland sends off a nomination for CCTV cameras, saying:
'It is almost impossible to avoid their gaze for an entire day and sitting like steel crows on their perches above us, truly they are emblematic of modern Britain.'
We should all send one in of CCTV cameras, for truly nothing better demonstrates the watchful contempt of our government towards its citizens.
The 'steel crows' gather, silently, observing, monitoring.
Comments:
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I am sure that Henry VIII was a huge shit, but was anyone better available at the time? Sometimes the only choice is between the shit and the fart.
GB - Fair point. Henry VIII's reign is in fact notable for the fact that there wasn't any other option. Mind you, he was both the fart and the shit in terms of quality.
Tony - Do your lot do it as well?
Tony - Do your lot do it as well?
I reckon we invented it, Steve. It's long been a cert here that the government will appoint a quango of national worthies to decide what's good about Oz.
I had precisely that problem in Madrid last year. Fortunately, a Japanese businessman arrived and whisked her away before I could dig myself in any further.
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