Sunday, November 13, 2005
I Bet The Folks Of Haiti Wouldn't Recognise It
One of the aspects of life in Manchester that's rather different from my rather dull home town is the nightlife, which is obviously good news. Somewhat less good, however, is the vast number of flyers that get shoved into your hands at all hours of the day and night.
On Friday, I got a particularly stupid one, advertising 'Papa Midnight's Voodoo Disco' at the Baby Grand. Here is just some of what it says;
'PAPA MIDNIGHT INVITES YOU TO HIS INFAMOUS VOODOO DISCO AN URBAN MASHUP FOR FASHIONISTA GLITTER QUEENS AND STYLE PUNK FIENDS.'
First off, what would a voodoo disco actually involve? Singing hymns in French before asking for cures from ancestral spirits? Presumably this isn't exactly what happens, although actually I'd go along for a try if it was. Also, what is a 'style punk fiend?' Wouldn't a fiend actually cause problems, and have to be thrown out by a bouncer?
Amongst the list of music genres played, it announces, amongst others, 'CHAMPAGNE ELECTRO DISCO', about which I also have no idea. However, a glance at the artists they list as examples of their playlist - 'MISSY, DRE, SNOOP, GWEN STEFANI' - promptly reveals it to be chart R&B. To be fair, the genre list does also say R&B, but why make stuff up if you're not going to bother with it?
However, it's the fashion section that's the best.
'FASHION. THIS MONTH IS ALL ABOUT ATTITUDE. WHETHER YOUR [SIC] A RENEGADE RUSSIAN PRINCESS OR ROWDY ROCKSTAR POSER, IT'S NOT JUST WHAT YOU WEAR, IT'S HOW YOU WEAR IT!'
I really want to know what a renegade Russian princess looks like.
That's the Russian princess in 'Bulletproof Monk.' Is that the look? I think it must be, because Jaime King is certainly pretending to be 'renegade' in that film. Ladies - would you consider going out dressed like this?
As always happens, a long list of fashion 'don'ts' is provided, such as;
'BUSTING A SHINY DENIM PARTY SUIT IS A CRIME. AMERICAN SPORTSWEAR DOESN'T EVEN LOOK GOOD ON AMERICANS AND IS ALSO A CRIME.'
Can denim be shiny?
This is a 'shiny denim' jacket worn by Lenny Kravitz. I suppose I see what they mean.
Why can't the people who write these flyers just write in simple plain English? Here, let me have a go:
'Papa Midnight's Disco at the Baby Grand, Friday Night. Quality Chart R&B All Night. Free Before 11! Don't Wear Tracksuits Or Denim Jackets.'
There. That wasn't too hard, was it?
On Friday, I got a particularly stupid one, advertising 'Papa Midnight's Voodoo Disco' at the Baby Grand. Here is just some of what it says;
'PAPA MIDNIGHT INVITES YOU TO HIS INFAMOUS VOODOO DISCO AN URBAN MASHUP FOR FASHIONISTA GLITTER QUEENS AND STYLE PUNK FIENDS.'
First off, what would a voodoo disco actually involve? Singing hymns in French before asking for cures from ancestral spirits? Presumably this isn't exactly what happens, although actually I'd go along for a try if it was. Also, what is a 'style punk fiend?' Wouldn't a fiend actually cause problems, and have to be thrown out by a bouncer?
Amongst the list of music genres played, it announces, amongst others, 'CHAMPAGNE ELECTRO DISCO', about which I also have no idea. However, a glance at the artists they list as examples of their playlist - 'MISSY, DRE, SNOOP, GWEN STEFANI' - promptly reveals it to be chart R&B. To be fair, the genre list does also say R&B, but why make stuff up if you're not going to bother with it?
However, it's the fashion section that's the best.
'FASHION. THIS MONTH IS ALL ABOUT ATTITUDE. WHETHER YOUR [SIC] A RENEGADE RUSSIAN PRINCESS OR ROWDY ROCKSTAR POSER, IT'S NOT JUST WHAT YOU WEAR, IT'S HOW YOU WEAR IT!'
I really want to know what a renegade Russian princess looks like.
That's the Russian princess in 'Bulletproof Monk.' Is that the look? I think it must be, because Jaime King is certainly pretending to be 'renegade' in that film. Ladies - would you consider going out dressed like this?
As always happens, a long list of fashion 'don'ts' is provided, such as;
'BUSTING A SHINY DENIM PARTY SUIT IS A CRIME. AMERICAN SPORTSWEAR DOESN'T EVEN LOOK GOOD ON AMERICANS AND IS ALSO A CRIME.'
Can denim be shiny?
This is a 'shiny denim' jacket worn by Lenny Kravitz. I suppose I see what they mean.
Why can't the people who write these flyers just write in simple plain English? Here, let me have a go:
'Papa Midnight's Disco at the Baby Grand, Friday Night. Quality Chart R&B All Night. Free Before 11! Don't Wear Tracksuits Or Denim Jackets.'
There. That wasn't too hard, was it?
Comments:
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If fiend is used in the same manner as "dope fiend"
then a style punk fiend would be someone who injects themselves with punked style.
Perhaps they'll have long, curly fingernails and roll grannies for five notes.
Freebasing easthetics is a habit worth having. A monkey on your back in satin, what?
In any case, the Voodoo disco would probably involve mojo of some kind. Or juju. Certainly there should be some stinky chicken entrails involved.
then a style punk fiend would be someone who injects themselves with punked style.
Perhaps they'll have long, curly fingernails and roll grannies for five notes.
Freebasing easthetics is a habit worth having. A monkey on your back in satin, what?
In any case, the Voodoo disco would probably involve mojo of some kind. Or juju. Certainly there should be some stinky chicken entrails involved.
Paul - the Bard made up words, so I don't see why you can't. I've not seen that one. Does it come with a recommendation?
SafeT - Chicken entrails were my first thought as well, but I didn't say so because I don't want to be cursed by my one Haitian reader . . .
SafeT - Chicken entrails were my first thought as well, but I didn't say so because I don't want to be cursed by my one Haitian reader . . .
well okay then. but it sounds a bit dull on translation. i was well up for a bit of voodoo disco. i assume it involves sex. yippee.
xxB
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xxB
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