Monday, September 19, 2005


'Well, Nurse, What Did The Scan Show?' 'He's Fine Doctor, Just Missing His Funny Bone.'

I was reading this the other day, and found myself nodding furiously in agreement, remembering a recollection my uncle told me recently. No-one in my family exactly loves flying, and I hate it more than most, so when I heard this story, I found myslef shuddering in no small amount.

My aunt and uncle were going to be flying from Coventry to Knock airport near Galway, on a tinny little toy of an aircraft. They boarded fine, and everything was great, but departure time came and went. Evenrually, the captain came on the intercom and said; 'Sorry about the delay folks, but it's raining, so I've decided to let the baggage-handlers shelter under the wing until it stops.'

This would have been bad enough by itself, but he proceeded to go on; 'While we wait, I thought I'd tell you a few jokes.' He proceeded to do so, and they were apparently dreadful, but the last one he told was the worst. Here's what he said:

'My old man always wanted to go to Ireland, but he never seemed to find the time. A few years back, he was getting on a bit, so I decided as a birthday present I'd take him on a long weekend away in Dublin. We caught the ferry, but the seas were really rough, and the weather got so bad that we couldn't dock in Dun Laoighaire, so we had to turn back and return to Holyhead.'

'Tow years later, we flew to Ireland, but the turbulence was pretty bad. Still, I don't think it bothered him, since he was in an urn.'

How is that funny? How is it helpful? Pilots should never, ever speak on an aircraft, unless to say, 'we're going to crash. Call your loved ones.' The rest of the time, I'm just not interested. Don't want to hear it. Zilch. Zip. Nada. Niente. Silence, please.

Apparently 9/11 would never have happened if the pilots hadn't been telling Jackie Mason jokes at the time.
"i've always wanted to go to Ireland"...
"it always surprises me when people say that when it only cost 30 quid on a plane"...
"yeah i think thats what puts me off"...

Words only worthy of Alan Partridge! (series one, episode 5 'To kill a mocking Alan')

'Nuff said!
"Good phrase for the program - 'Dere's more to Eireland den dis!'"

You've got to love Partridge. Comedy genius.
'Horses running through council estates and people with eyebrows on their cheeks.'

That still cracks me up.

If I ever get bored of blogging, I could just turn this site into an Alan partridge fan site with a qoute every day. I'm just throwing it out there . . .
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