Thursday, September 22, 2005
Eureka!
Whenever I get rather down about life, up pops a miracle. No matter how depressing modern Britain can get, something will always cheer me up. Today, that something was the quality of childrens television. I'm not being sarcastic, either - I was watching a programme called Eureka! TV on BBC2 this morning, and I have to say I thought it was wonderful.
Eureka! TV is a science programme for primary-school aged kids, and it's much, much more interesting thhan anything science based that was on when I was a kid. Back then, the choice was pretty much another papier-mache Tracey Island on 'Blue Peter' or nothing. Today, I saw two attractive and upbeat Scottish lasses, identical in every respect, performing quite amusing little experiments. The first involved standing on a piece of perspex on top of two balloons. The sight of them both perched on a piece of perspex barely big enough for one, dreading the bursting of a balloon under them, while desperately trying not to fall off, was a hangover cure indeed. Soon, I was invited to marvel at the legs of penguins, and how they keep warm, aided by a penguin improbably given Frank or George or Albert or some other flat-cap name.
The best, however, came last, when the two presenters started messing around with a tub of liquid nitrogen. This, remember, is a programme for little kids. Anyway, first they put a squash ball in it, then smashed it with a hammer, and then put flowers in, and then crumbled them. Brilliant! If I had kids, I'd make them watch that. Five out of five. Don't cancel it, please!
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I also had time this morning for a little 'Bear In The Big Blue House.' I have become increasingly concerned with the posture of Bear. As a fellow round-shouldered male, I can confirm that unless he stands up straighter, he'll face serious back trouble later in life.
The hunchback of Blue House.
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I was at the cinema yesterday, watching the film reviewed below, and before it started, a strange trailer came on. It was for a concert Robbie Williams is giving in Berlin, which is already sold out, but what it was advertising is that it will be shown on big cinema screens over Europe. This seems an excellent idea for everyone to me. Robbie gets to only do one concert, which saves time and energy, and leaves fewer chances for him to make a tit out of himself, and the record company get a way of people listening to his album without illegally downloading it from the internet. The viewer, meanwhile, gets to watch him in a venue where they can go for a burger, a pint and a piss when they choose, instead of dying in a stampede.
Maybe this is a glimpse into the future.
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Finally, according to this survey, Britney Spears is the most annoying artiste to have to listen to for retail staff. As a former retail worker myself, I can say that this is nonsense. You see, I used to work in the Early Learning Centre, and moaning staff claiming that Britney is driving them 'Crazy' (arf, arf) need to spend most of the week with 'Old MacDonald Had A Farm' coming at them at ninety decibels. Seriously, it was torture. 'The Wheels On The Bus Go Round And Round.' Worst of all was Christmas, when the soundtrack essentially consisted of 'Frosty The Snowman' and Mariah Carey's 'All I Want For Christams Is You', a song I still know all the words to, even though I really, really wish I don't.
Quit whinging, folks.
No dress sense perhaps, but on the irritant factor, considerably less annoying than working here:
Eureka! TV is a science programme for primary-school aged kids, and it's much, much more interesting thhan anything science based that was on when I was a kid. Back then, the choice was pretty much another papier-mache Tracey Island on 'Blue Peter' or nothing. Today, I saw two attractive and upbeat Scottish lasses, identical in every respect, performing quite amusing little experiments. The first involved standing on a piece of perspex on top of two balloons. The sight of them both perched on a piece of perspex barely big enough for one, dreading the bursting of a balloon under them, while desperately trying not to fall off, was a hangover cure indeed. Soon, I was invited to marvel at the legs of penguins, and how they keep warm, aided by a penguin improbably given Frank or George or Albert or some other flat-cap name.
The best, however, came last, when the two presenters started messing around with a tub of liquid nitrogen. This, remember, is a programme for little kids. Anyway, first they put a squash ball in it, then smashed it with a hammer, and then put flowers in, and then crumbled them. Brilliant! If I had kids, I'd make them watch that. Five out of five. Don't cancel it, please!
********************************************
I also had time this morning for a little 'Bear In The Big Blue House.' I have become increasingly concerned with the posture of Bear. As a fellow round-shouldered male, I can confirm that unless he stands up straighter, he'll face serious back trouble later in life.
The hunchback of Blue House.
*******************************************
I was at the cinema yesterday, watching the film reviewed below, and before it started, a strange trailer came on. It was for a concert Robbie Williams is giving in Berlin, which is already sold out, but what it was advertising is that it will be shown on big cinema screens over Europe. This seems an excellent idea for everyone to me. Robbie gets to only do one concert, which saves time and energy, and leaves fewer chances for him to make a tit out of himself, and the record company get a way of people listening to his album without illegally downloading it from the internet. The viewer, meanwhile, gets to watch him in a venue where they can go for a burger, a pint and a piss when they choose, instead of dying in a stampede.
Maybe this is a glimpse into the future.
******************************************
Finally, according to this survey, Britney Spears is the most annoying artiste to have to listen to for retail staff. As a former retail worker myself, I can say that this is nonsense. You see, I used to work in the Early Learning Centre, and moaning staff claiming that Britney is driving them 'Crazy' (arf, arf) need to spend most of the week with 'Old MacDonald Had A Farm' coming at them at ninety decibels. Seriously, it was torture. 'The Wheels On The Bus Go Round And Round.' Worst of all was Christmas, when the soundtrack essentially consisted of 'Frosty The Snowman' and Mariah Carey's 'All I Want For Christams Is You', a song I still know all the words to, even though I really, really wish I don't.
Quit whinging, folks.
No dress sense perhaps, but on the irritant factor, considerably less annoying than working here:
Comments:
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Robbie, you say? In Berlin? On huge screens across Europe? In jackboots? Invading Poland? Heil Robbie!
Hungbunny -
Now that really is a frightening thought. Somehow, I always suspected him. It's his eyes.
Happy -
You can't believe how awful students are in Manchester. Ghastly. I'd cross the road to avoid them. They whinge about not having enough money, then the other day I found they'd been throwing around discount vouchers for Tesco. Naturally, if they didn't want them, I did, and I'm about forty pounds richer as a result.
Paul B -
Ok, that's bad. I'll give you that.
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Now that really is a frightening thought. Somehow, I always suspected him. It's his eyes.
Happy -
You can't believe how awful students are in Manchester. Ghastly. I'd cross the road to avoid them. They whinge about not having enough money, then the other day I found they'd been throwing around discount vouchers for Tesco. Naturally, if they didn't want them, I did, and I'm about forty pounds richer as a result.
Paul B -
Ok, that's bad. I'll give you that.
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