Thursday, July 28, 2005
Thinking About Tit - Why Don't Celebrities Do Hardcore?
I was reading this post the other day, which raises a fascinating question. Namely, why will no celebrities ever consider doing hardcore, yet never think twice about doing softcore?
At first glance, the answer, for many at least, is obvious - lose respect, cease being seen as a 'family celebrity', become seen as sleazy, a real danger of people losing interest. Yet, for some, there are real and clear advanatges.
Consider, for the sake of argument, that flat-chested, equine-looking, no-good, boring waste of oxygen that is Paris Hilton. On the face of it, she's about as attractive as a toothless Welsh farmer, but people are actually interested in her. Why? Because she was in that video with that rich bloke who no-one remembers the name of, promptly disproving my point. To soldier on, however, it's obvious that her career would simply not exist without the hardcore. No hardcore, no 'House Of Wax.' After all, who would want to see her meet a particularly gory conclusion if they hadn't heard of her?
Other advantages are obvious, too. It would force magazines like Hello! and OK! and all those other needless causes of death for innocent trees to start to earn their keep. They'd end up becoming top-shelf in and of themselves, and the prudes would end up buying Maxim for clean entertainment.
Further, it would quickly become a mania. My celebrity-obsessed work colleagues would finally shut up about which member of Blue has the most tasteless decor in their bathroom, and would talk about something of interest for a change.
Finally, it would surely mean that we never hear from Paris Hilton again - if they all travel down that road, who's going to be interested in the most ugly one?
At first glance, the answer, for many at least, is obvious - lose respect, cease being seen as a 'family celebrity', become seen as sleazy, a real danger of people losing interest. Yet, for some, there are real and clear advanatges.
Consider, for the sake of argument, that flat-chested, equine-looking, no-good, boring waste of oxygen that is Paris Hilton. On the face of it, she's about as attractive as a toothless Welsh farmer, but people are actually interested in her. Why? Because she was in that video with that rich bloke who no-one remembers the name of, promptly disproving my point. To soldier on, however, it's obvious that her career would simply not exist without the hardcore. No hardcore, no 'House Of Wax.' After all, who would want to see her meet a particularly gory conclusion if they hadn't heard of her?
Other advantages are obvious, too. It would force magazines like Hello! and OK! and all those other needless causes of death for innocent trees to start to earn their keep. They'd end up becoming top-shelf in and of themselves, and the prudes would end up buying Maxim for clean entertainment.
Further, it would quickly become a mania. My celebrity-obsessed work colleagues would finally shut up about which member of Blue has the most tasteless decor in their bathroom, and would talk about something of interest for a change.
Finally, it would surely mean that we never hear from Paris Hilton again - if they all travel down that road, who's going to be interested in the most ugly one?
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Than-you for your support. I'm thinking of launching a campaign regarding this most important of issues. I think I'll target one of the former members of Steps as they could do with the cash. The aspect of celebrity hardcore I'm most looking forward to is when they all say they're doing it to 'empower women' like they do when they show half a nipple in Playboy.
# posted by 
: 8:18 pm
: 8:18 pm
Absolutely! After all, if half a nipple equals female empowerment, then half a dozen double penetrations featuring Lisa from 'Steps' will launch us into a fourth feminist era. What a thought!
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