Tuesday, May 24, 2005
I Hate Fucking Blogger
I just spent the last three hours writing a mammoth review of the new 'Star Wars' film to mark my return, but Blogger has just deleted it. I am so fucking angry words can't do it justice. You'll just have to take my word that the film was pretty shit, but the review was fucking amazing. The best film review I've ever written. I'm not writing it all again, however, so just read this one instead.
Here are a few of the points I'd made:
1) Ewan McGregor tries hard to be the person Alec Guinness was to become, and nearly manages it. Kudos for that.
2) Has anyone else noticed that Nathalie Portman and Liv Tyler are morphing into one person?
3) Has anyone else noticed that Ewan McGregor and Sean Bean are morphing into one person?
4) The film has some of the worst dialogue ever written, including the worst film line ever, in my opinion, from Yoda: "Not if anything to say about it, I have." This line was so bad it gave me a headache.
5) The character of General Grievous was embarrasingly poor. Why did he wheeze asthmatically through the film?
6) The film is just way too cluttered. This was my main point, and dammit I made it well. You see, the thing is, Lucas fills his screens with CGI, and every shot is so busy that, given the size of the screen I saw it on, I literally couldn't take everything in. This is NOT a compliment. I prefer films with little or no CGI personally, because it forces the director to have focus to every shot of every scene, which Lucas doesn't come close to managing, however if you're going to have CGI, fine, but make it have a purpose. Why was the Battle Of Helm's Deep impressive? Because, despite the fact that there were a billion orcs moving around, Jackson kept all the scenes tightly focused and centered around characters we had already come to know, and thusfore cared about the fates of. Lucas should have taken note.
There was much, much more, including analysis of every scene, but since Blogger is the biggest pile of wank on the Internet, it's vanished into the ether forever. Thank you so much.
General Grievous was pissed that his service droid forgot to pack his inhaler.
Here are a few of the points I'd made:
1) Ewan McGregor tries hard to be the person Alec Guinness was to become, and nearly manages it. Kudos for that.
2) Has anyone else noticed that Nathalie Portman and Liv Tyler are morphing into one person?
3) Has anyone else noticed that Ewan McGregor and Sean Bean are morphing into one person?
4) The film has some of the worst dialogue ever written, including the worst film line ever, in my opinion, from Yoda: "Not if anything to say about it, I have." This line was so bad it gave me a headache.
5) The character of General Grievous was embarrasingly poor. Why did he wheeze asthmatically through the film?
6) The film is just way too cluttered. This was my main point, and dammit I made it well. You see, the thing is, Lucas fills his screens with CGI, and every shot is so busy that, given the size of the screen I saw it on, I literally couldn't take everything in. This is NOT a compliment. I prefer films with little or no CGI personally, because it forces the director to have focus to every shot of every scene, which Lucas doesn't come close to managing, however if you're going to have CGI, fine, but make it have a purpose. Why was the Battle Of Helm's Deep impressive? Because, despite the fact that there were a billion orcs moving around, Jackson kept all the scenes tightly focused and centered around characters we had already come to know, and thusfore cared about the fates of. Lucas should have taken note.
There was much, much more, including analysis of every scene, but since Blogger is the biggest pile of wank on the Internet, it's vanished into the ether forever. Thank you so much.
General Grievous was pissed that his service droid forgot to pack his inhaler.
Comments:
<< Home
I too have learnt the Lesson of Blogger.
Nowadays, when I'm contemplating a post longer than a few lines, I knock it up in Word, or notepad, or somesuch first.
I also use the First Law of Computers. Save and save often.
That way I've always got it there for when (not if) something goes bugger-up.
I just wish I could do the same with my brain, because I've got a memory like a... like a... y'know, one of those things that.... Where was I? Who are you?
Nowadays, when I'm contemplating a post longer than a few lines, I knock it up in Word, or notepad, or somesuch first.
I also use the First Law of Computers. Save and save often.
That way I've always got it there for when (not if) something goes bugger-up.
I just wish I could do the same with my brain, because I've got a memory like a... like a... y'know, one of those things that.... Where was I? Who are you?
That is a mighty fine idea. Definitely Word beckons.
I have a few large posts coming, so it's timely advice. Cheers!
I have a few large posts coming, so it's timely advice. Cheers!
I think the general reason old wheezy was a wheezin' was because his human heart didn't quite match the standards of his robotic frame. Hope that helps.
Toodles
Toodles
I hear you well, fatmammycat. I saw that bit where he tried to prise open the poor fellow's ribcage, and there was a heart there about the size of babies clenched fist, to service a robotic creature about ten foot tall.
Very poor design, if you ask me.
Very poor design, if you ask me.
grievous weezes because as shown in The CLONE WARS Volume Two (that animated series that aired on the cartton network) right after grievous steals palpatine mace windu uses the force to crush greivouses chest.
Post a Comment
# posted by 
: 7:51 pm
: 7:51 pm << Home
